Feeling Reminiscent

After more than a week of restless nights of serious coughing I lie here, yet again, in my couch recliner in a somewhat upright position (so I won't be coughing my lungs up) feeling completely exhausted but wide awake.  It never fails...when I catch a cold I get a cough that seems to linger for weeks and keeps me from getting a good night of sleep. That undoubtedly leaves me with lovely dark circles and bags beneath my eyes, the grogginess equal to that of a new mother, the stamina of a sloth and the insomnia of an addict.  Needless to say I'm completely miserable right now.  However, I am feeling reminiscent so I figured I would share my thoughts.

Today is Christmas eve 2010 and as I sit here at 4:00 a. m. feeling like junk I reflect on this past year and I think about how unbelievably blessed I've been in my short 31 years.   I have a beautiful new house... a handsome, successful, caring, Christian husband to whom I've been married for 8 years... three amazing and adorable children... two very sweet and crazy smart dogs... both of my parents... a new half sister that I never knew about...the ability to walk, talk, hear, see and enjoy each beautiful day of my beautiful life.  

I think back to August of 2003 when I found out I was pregnant for the very first time.  I had only "tried" for one month after some advice from a friend of mine in the Navy who had just had a baby (thanks Peaches) so I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly.  I can remember the overwhelming sense of joy and excitement that engulfed me as I saw the two lines appear.  I was going to have a baby!  A sweet, living, breathing, screaming, pooping, cooing, smiling (even if it is gas) bouncing bundle of joy! I was so unbelievably excited and could not wait to tell my family.  I told everybody.  I even told my Commanding Officer in the Navy and about 20 other sailors at our morning meeting.  I ordered maternity uniforms 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, went to a pregnancy seminar the Navy offered, saw my OB/GYN and got the whole pregnancy packet, some stuffed animals for the nursery, etc.  I was very excited.

I also remember the overwhelming sense of sorrow and sadness that I felt when I saw that first spot of blood after only 7 1/2 weeks.  I called my friend Noel who worked at my OB/GYN's office and asked her if I should be concerned and she told me to come in as soon as I could.  I left work, immediately called Mike, and we both went to the doctor hoping it was nothing serious.  After an ultrasound that resulted in no sign of a heartbeat we were both heartbroken.  I was devastated.  I immediately wished I had only told a handful of people rather than shouting it to the world like I had.  I even wished I hadn't told anyone but Mike (and maybe our parents) until I was past the first trimester.  I remember feeling so resentful and wanting to punch out the insensitive nurse who gave me my EXTREMELY painful I.V. at the hospital before my D&C because through my tears and sobbing she so casually said, "Oh don't worry hun, you'll have another one".  I didn't want another one....I wanted THAT one.  I always wonder how different my life would have been if I hadn't lost that sweet child.

I am also thankful for the way things fell into place in my life.  I believe everything happens for a reason and for some reason God did not want me to have that baby at that time.  Maybe I wasn't mature enough yet, maybe we weren't financially ready, maybe something serious was wrong with the fetus...only God knows why He chose not to allow that child to be born and I completely accept that.

I believe my family is (finally) settled in a place where we will be happy and actually stay for more than a few years.  We love Texas, I survived a summer here...shocking, I know...we have made some terrific friends, found a great church, and for the first time in 6 years we actually have family not just nearby but right down the street!  I am a God fearing woman and I believe He knows what is best for us, even when we don't necessarily agree with the path He has chosen for us to follow.  I am excited to see what is in store for my family and me personally in 2011.

I hope you all have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!

New Neighbors!

We will soon have two very important new neighbors down the street.  Mike's brother Brian and his wife Julia have been building a house over the last few months that is only 4 houses down from us!  We are so excited to have family close by since we've not lived by any family for 6 out of 8 years of our marriage.  We're also happy our boys will have an aunt and uncle and future cousins right down the street to play with.  Here is a picture of how close our houses are.

Welcome to Fairfield Brian and Julia!  We look forward to many years of neighborhood block parties and BBQ's!